This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
