so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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