I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
