he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
