no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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