He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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