I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
