these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
