Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
