You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
