You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
