I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
