Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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