He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Barsexuality is the new black.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Randomize
