she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
God gave him joint rollers for hands
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you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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