I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she told me i tasted like america
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to sanitize my soul.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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