ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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