you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
