My hand turned me down
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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