Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
