I think my vagina is haunted
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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