They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Bring me that man meat
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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