its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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