i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
