I'm gonna have a badass scar
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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