New invention idea: vibrating tampons
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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