Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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