The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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