He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
