my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
