Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
