So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
