I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
