So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
