I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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