Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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