I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
