I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
