So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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