Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
