He uses pillows to masturbate.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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