There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
