Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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