i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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