with your own penis?
So drunk its hurt
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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