The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
