he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
