I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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