She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
