Dude my mom stole all your condoms
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
