My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
