i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
