What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Of course I have a pirate flag
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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