God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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