I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
