So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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