I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
