giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
