I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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