It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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