I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
