Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
