non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
