The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
