I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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