i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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