im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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