how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
