"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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