We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
