I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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