I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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