The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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