Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
