she smelled like a LAN party
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
