This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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