I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
