Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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