it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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