only if we run a train.
done.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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