I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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