Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
