8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
