i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
