It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
