I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
