Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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